Memorial Day has come and gone and college sports is dwindling down to a close for 2018-19. All that remains is the Women's College World Series and the college baseball NCAA Tournament, both of which kick off this weekend. In the meantime, we at the USofNCAA have brought you have brought you college sports explained by the world of Mario. This is not one specific sport, but all sports. If you have any suggestions hit us on Twitter or in the comments.
· Mario- Stanford: can do it all, is he great? No. Is he consistent? Normally. Is he exciting? Not at all
· Luigi- UCLA: has had sustained success in lesser known/cared about areas. He definitely could be gay.
· Bowser- The NCAA: tries to be big and bad but is really not good at that
· Bowser Jr.- Mark Emmert: thinks he has power but he doesn’t
· Peach- Ole Miss: always locked up in NCAA jail and needs saving
· Daisy- Florida State: quality character in the Mario universe but not the brightest, just like the girls at FSU
· Toad- Mississippi St:very enthusiastic about Peach being in jail and pretends like he wants to help her when really he just wants to laugh
· Wario- Ohio State: big bad guy that nobody likes and really makes no sense. Thinks he’s super strong because all he does is drink protein instead of actually working out
· Waluigi- Miami: People act like they care about this guy but they really don’t. Also in true Miami fashion he's definitely running a pyramid scheme.
· Donkey Kong- Notre Dame: is he good? Is he bad? Are we supposed to like him or hate him? Does he even know what he is?
· Diddy Kong- Pitt: shouldn’t be scary but you better be careful or he’ll ruin your life
· Yoshi- Oregon: lovable guy, kinda along for the ride with Mario, has potential for greatness but rarely is great
· Koopa- Maryland: Like Koopa, they’re easily kill able turtles
· Paratroopa- Iowa: dear God how are they so hard to kill?
· Goomba- NC State: this is solely for the NC State Shit jokes
· Paragoomba- Arkansas: NC State but with wings
· Hammer Bro-North Dakota State and James Madison: almost always appears in pairs and just wrecks shit together, beatable but takes practice
· Dry bones- Rutgers: easy to kill, all it is is a sack of bones
· Toadette- Southern Miss: see Toad
· Toadsworth- Michigan: a lot smarter and more esteemed/stately than toad, can be effective, but recent championships?
· Birdo- Washington State: I don’t want to know what kind of drugs that person who made this was on and I don’t want to know that regular combinations of substances that are consumed at Wazzu
· Kamek (magikoopa)- Texas A&M: the Mario character that uses the most magic and the school that also uses the most magic
· Boo- Houston: scrappy, hard to put away, and ultimately just looking for respect from King Boo (even though they’ve been better at both football and basketball {and can make an argument for baseball too} in the last 5-10 years)
· King Boo- Texas: big and scary with a lot of shiny toys, but when it comes time to fight he goes crown down pretty easily
· Petey Piranha- Texas Tech: Like Texas Tech football he can’t really stop anyone, like Texas Tech basketball he can’t really move.
· Shy guy- Liberty: Probably pretty racist and really serves no purpose
· Baby Mario- North Carolina: just a slightly smaller scale version of Mario, essentially Mario-lite
· Baby Luigi- Florida: quality all around character and athletic program but not nearly to the level of Luigi, also a lot less gay
· Funky Kong- South Florida: Funky Kong is Tampa as hell
· Monty Mole-Minnesota: Basically a gopher
· Lakitu- The College Gameday Intros: always leads into the show but has no actual impact on anything
· Chain Chomp- Auburn: barks like a dog while actually being nothing close to a dog. War Eagle am I right, Tigers?
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